I went journeying tonight with my spirit work group to Jotunheim, specifically the Iron Wood. I follow Arawn in terms of deity, but I'm still interested in the Norse worldview and the dynamics of my particular group are very welcoming (three of them I've known for many years now). All those in the group that have an affinity towards shapeshifting were given the option of shifting into another form that screamed "I Am Not From Around Here" while not being at the top of the predatory chain.
I decided to go in the form of a wolverine.
For many people that know me, this is not a big surprise, considering where my nickname comes from. It worked in terms of showing that I did not belong to the Iron Wood, and that I am not a huge predatory threat. It did, however, grant me a lot of attention once I was in the woods. Most of the figures and animals that I saw weren't clear, but they were very interested in the form that I had picked because it was a daring choice.
I ended up talking with one of the entities there, having to shift into human form since I'm still trying to learn how to talk as a wolverine. They were interested in my form and that it came so naturally to me. They said that I would need the strength and tenacity of such a creature in the time to come, it is a strong part of me, and that I need to start being ruthless.
Wolverines show no fear, and can instill fear when needed. They're tough, powerful, and intimidate and fight things much larger than itself in order to survive. It's this ambition and fighting spirit that is sometimes needed - when all else fails, the claws come out.
After the group, I had a long talk with my teacher about some issues that I had been having in my life. I'm a naturally caring person, in that I do watch out for the welfare of others and will lend a helping hand, sometimes to the detriment of my own well-being. In some cases, it's too easy for people to take and take, without giving much back, until there is nothing left to take and then be gone with it. I've suffered many betrayals in such a small period of time with no recovery time inbetween.
It had occured to me afterwards that it's times like this that you need to draw upon animal instinct in order to simply get things done (or make things dead, depending on how violent you are). I'm usually not one for cutting things out of my life, since I inherently believe that all greivances can be fixed and unless you did something extremely harmful or threatening, all can be forgiven and friendships can be forged.
Sometimes, however, life needs the claws.
I made some very final decisions tonight once the group was over, and I cut a very big portion of my life clean out. It may have been heavy handed, but necessary at that point. In the process of doing so, very strong moments of clarity struck me hard, like waves of truth cascading forth. I was cutting out the negative forces in my life, and I will replace them with positive forces. I will cut contact from those who have betrayed me, who refuse to see truth and instead would paint their distorted worldviews upon me.
In those moments, I saw someone's fear over the finality of my decisions and my actions. They were fearful of the wolverine.